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| So If I had just waited ONE MORE DAY, it would have been a month since I last updated.
Well, I didn't, so, oh well. I'm sure no one reads it, anyway. It's just, my journal to write in when my thoughts are disarray or such.
What's been up?
Well, let's see. I'm an official graduate. Yes, the second to graduate from my mom's side of the family, and third from my dad's side. Cool, huh? I got quite a bit of money, and spent it all within about a week. Sucks big ones. I spent it mostly on food, and all things that go with having a boyfriend in town for a week.
Alex?
Yes, well. We had a great time together, most of the time. As relationships go, it was rocky every now and then, but the boy makes me happy. What can I say to someone who can do that? Not much, so we kissed a lot. Most of my family loves him. They met him at the graduation party, and boy, was that a fun party. After graduation was over with, there was a picture session, and on the walk to the car, I popped my neck. Not good. I pinched a nerve and was in pain for a couple of days. Which made hugging all of my family (which all happen to be taller than me) kind of awkward and painful. I managed. After a few days of pain pills, rest, and tears, it stopped hurting so much. I owed a big thanks to Alex for taking care of me. He held me in the car and had his arm behind my neck so when someone was driving, then braked, it wouldn't hurt so bad. How sweet is that?
He gets another paragraph, so I'll continue about Alex.
We went out to eat, we drove together, we just did a lot of...little things that now seem romantic. We had a discussion on the phone the other night because I was being Debbie Downer, about all the romantic things we remember or favorite things from the week he was here. We went on and on and on. Most of it was just little things that meant a lot more to us than they would have to others. I have a lot of doubts about everything, and that sometimes feeds into other things, which only leads me to make a problem where one really isn't, and I think that's why I doubt our relationship a lot of times. We really do have a great relationship for one that is long-distance. We've almost made it two years now. TWO YEARS. Shocking, right? Well, maybe not. My mom was all about long-term relationships, why would it be a shock that I would do the same?
Writing.
I used to write a lot of dark poetry. Well, if poetry is what you'd call it. It was mostly the "the world is out to get me" or "I hate myself" or something of that sort. You know, what would be considered "emo" today. I'm trying to divorce myself from that side because I was just too comfortable being unhappy. I'd hate to fall into that mold again. After all this time that I've experienced being well and truly happy, why would I WANT to go back and mope around the house when there's nothing to mope about? Although, I explain this with perfect reasoning (at least, to me) I still find that I'm not completely happy now that he's gone home. I know, I know, it's normal. I have him here after a year of not seeing him, then he leaves after a week. It just wasn't enough of him. He doesn't want to move here, and I really don't want to move to California, so I don't know where we'd live when we decide that takes precedence over everything else. That won't be for awhile, though.
Because right now, college life is for me.
Yep, I registered at community yesterday. I haven't registered for CLASSES, but I'm the database now. I have to take a math test next Tuesday to find which math class I'll be placed in, which really sucks. I wasn't good at math two years ago, I won't be any better two years later. I'm kind of nervous about it, but I'm not trying to get too caught up in it. Oh, guess what?
Yeah, I had my first job interview this week.
It totally sucked, though. The job wasn't for me at all. Sales job. Door-to-door. No thanks. Dad was really proud that I made the appointment by myself. Seeing as it was only but an hour before that he was screaming at me for my "attitude" and "being disrespectful." Which reminds me.
Of?
Mom, Dad, and I guess Dwayne all think I'm very disrespectful. I guess honest counts at that. But I think I've just stopped caring about a lot of people, or things that shouldn't be said, I end up saying them. Oh, well. Get over it. I am who I am, and I'm not changing. So maybe I have turned into a little disrespectful bitch over the years, and maybe there's no one to blame but myself, but if there is blame to be placed on anyone besides me, where would it be placed? My mom, my dad? Those who raised me? My friends? I've been told I'm a bad influence on my friends, because I tend to pull the judgmental side out of them, or the part of them that makes them want to speak their mind. Is that a bad quality to have? I haven't figured that out yet. I'm not sure I'd want to learn if I'm truly a bad friend to have around.
Dad just came home and told me that this weekend we'll be job hunting. Fun stuff. In the fight we had, or he had, I didn't really say much, he told me a few times, he'd kick me out and take away everything he ever gave me. True love, right?
Well, I guess that's enough of an update for awhile. I'm sure I have more to update on, but really who wants to know?
Take care.
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| So I've been in the mood for 90's music.
You know, the music you used to come home from school, turn on MTV, and there would be TRL and all of Carson Daly's glory, and the hot music of the week would be blasting in video form, and you'd be dancing into your hairbrush to. From Sisqo's "The Thong Song" to Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris" I've definitely been jamming to junior high classics.
Now, on to more things more exciting.
I have now finished high school.
Graduation is this Saturday, and afterwards we're having a BYOB party, which will consist of a bunch of alcoholics aka my family, and perhaps a few of my Dad's friends.
Boyfriend aka Alex should be here in two days. Thursday at whatever time. He leaves June 10, but I don't wish to think of that day. Surely if I just hide him in my closet, no one will notice he's still here, right?
In preparation of him and the family coming for graduation, I have to clean this week. I would really rather not, and I've made no progress. I slept in too late yesterday. I got up at five in the afternoon. My dad didn't look too happy. Too damn bad.
Thursday: was the last day of school but Wednesday was mine. That night, Amber, Marquin, and a few others went to the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. It was amazing. We went to Shae's house afterwards for pancakes. Then, back to Amber's house and played a bit of video games, then to bed on the couches it was. I didn't sleep much because I have trouble sleeping on any couch. Claustrophobia starts to kick in. Perhaps the couch cushions make me feel like I can't breathe, for whatever reason, I don't feel comfortable on a couch.
Friday: Marquin's bitching on the phone with her mom woke me up, and she took me up early. I had about two hours of sleep. Then, after jamming out to some Stevie Ray Vaughan, Marquin called and asked if I were hungry. Why, of course. So us girls went to the Chinese "buffet" in downtown Wylie, and chowed down. Afterwards, we went back to Amber's house and napped. Well, they did. I sat and stared at the ceiling for about an hour, and played with Oliver, the three-legged cat for another hour. I was then dropped off at my house and had to run through the rain. My aunt picked me up at about 6, then we went to Wal-Mart for another hour, and then went to her house. I bought a bunch of candy, for myself. My uncle Terry got really drunk, was a huge jerk. I ended up playing slaps with him, and I think I won because he kept slapping me in the face, but I slapped him once in his face, and he stopped. We didn't talk much after that. My cousin Britnie and her new husband, Dustin showed up at near midnight, and we all partied whilst Aunt Kim was even more drunk, and ended sitting in Dustin's lap, and flirting with him. She even grabbed his ass. Keeping in mind, Aunt Kim has been lesbian since she was about sixteen. I aired up the air mattress and slept on the floor.
Saturday: I slept maybe four hours. I woke up...really grouchy. The block party for Memorial Day started at about noon, and I woke up at 9, but didn't get out of bed until noon. The food was good, then we went swimming. Oh, and must not forget the billions of water balloons that were thrown everywhere. No, I didn't get a tan, because it was raining most of the time we went swimming. Why get out? We're already wet, and there was no lightening. It was a blast, indeed. Later that night, strawberry daiquiris, tequila Kool-Aid were made, and beer and Smirnoff was bought. I had a few of each. And too much of candy. :| I threw up around 2 in the morning, and went back to sleeping on Uncle Terry's couch.
Sunday: Woke up, ate breakfast. Actually, I don't remember much of Sunday. I know I went home, and talked to Britnie and Dustin, they left, and I did stuff. And...stuff. I really don't remember much. That's probably no bueno, but oh well.
So I promised myself a long time ago, probably when I first heard it that I would listen to Alice Cooper's "School's Out" on the last day of school.
I surpassed it, and listened to it twice.
But, I shall get back to my Cinderella slave work and continue making the house look decent for visitors, and whatnot. Take care all those that read this.
---Kayla.
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| So it's been awhile since I've updated on Xanga. Things have really been changing around here.
What have you been up to?
It's April 2, and I graduate June 2. So, two months. I'm excited. For once, I'm making almost all A's. The except at the moment is my photography grade is an 88. Damn near close, though. Speaking of photography, I've been in contests and competitions since I've last updated. I got Honorable Mention in one, and a decent score in another. In Creative Writing, we have this art magazine that we're working. I'm on two committees, art and cover design. I'm submitting hopefully a minimum of five things, which means a higher chance of it getting published in it. I have a car now. It's a white '97 Mercury Mystique with gray interior. I've not driven it yet, but I look forward to it. I can't drive it legally since I don't have a license, but that's in the works, too. I've gone shopping four times in the past week, and I came back with a new pair of jeans, eight shirts, and a prom dress. Yes, I am going to prom. Awhile back, I asked my guy friend to prom, he agreed, but the deal was on only, I repeat, only if he was single. Now he's all in love with his girlfriend, therefore, I was left dateless. I'm going with my friend's Amber and Marquin, Amber with her boyfriend, and Marquin as my date. No, we're not going to be wearing matching dresses or anything, or tuxedos, we both will look amazing in different dresses. I'm excited about a lot of things.
What to look forward to:
Epiphany's deadline: April 5.
Out with the girls: April 6.
Dezeray's birthday party: April 7.
Prom: May 12.
Alex comes to Texas: May 31. (Hopefully).
Graduation: June 2.
LKH's Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, Book 15: The Harlequin comes out: June 5.
(Not excited about) Alex goes home: June 10.
18th birthday: August 10.
Surprise, surprise.
Oh, and I'm going to go to college. Yep, who would have thought. I'll do two years of community at Collin County which will leave me with an associates degree, and hopefully I'll transfer. I'll be majoring in Photography and minoring in business. It sounds like I've got my life planned, right? Well, I'm close to it. That doesn't mean I'm not still having my usual panic attack and stressful day. The problem is when I have those days, I take them out on everyone else, but I'm trying to get over that. Time to grow the hell up, right? I mean, I'm almost eighteen, it's time to stop sucking my thumb sometime. Now, that's a metaphor, I was never really a thumb-sucker, for those of you who thought wrong.
So, what's been up?
I've been going to Curves for a month or two. I haven't lost much, but it doesn't just walk off when it's done right. Alex wants me to go to a doctor, but I think I've developed a small fear of them, because my stomach flutters at mention of them. I've gone twice in the past month. Once for something on my stomach, and another for a bad case of the flu. Which I'm not sure if I'm even completely over yet. I've been drawing a lot lately, and reading my LKH books. I have this photography project that I've been working on, but I'm at a loss of inspiration, so not so lately.
Why haven't you updated?
I don't know really know why I haven't updated. I've tried a few times before, but couldn't finish it, or find anything else to talk about that was interesting enough. No one really reads this, but I guess it's nice when I update. I used to use Xanga to vent, but I've been doing a lot of that with my best friend, Keisha and Alex.
So, life sounds good, right?
Well, technically, I guess so. But as I said earlier, it's been stressful. My biggest problem is still admitting I have a problem, but once I get past that, it's usually wanting to do something about it. You know the situation. Where I have a problem, but I don't want to talk about it, so I paper bag it, put on the shelf, and leave it until needed. See a problem with that? When do you need to pull a problem out of a paper bag? Most people don't. I just keep putting more problems into it, and paper's only so durable, before it rips and they spill on the floor and make a mess.
So what are you doing about it?
Well, I'm over the cutting shit. That was just a phase. (For those who do read this, that still cut, I hope you come to realize it IS a phase. It's not a lifestyle, it's a choice. Everyone makes choices, and some shouldn't be made. Cutting being one of them. Stop hurting yourself, or if you hate life that much, just end it all, and kill yourself). Well, I tried for passionate, but I guess I'm not kind enough to do so. Oh well. Back to how I maintain. I usually do ignore my problems, but when I have a rip in my bag, I find myself talking my problems out with one of four people I can name off the top of my head. Strangely, I used to go to family, but I don't anymore. I'm not saying my family's not there for me anymore, but I don't rely on them anymore. Which is sad, because above anyone else you're supposed to be able to rely on your family, but those members that I once trusted solely with my life, I don't anymore. I don't trust anyone completely but myself, and I plan to keep it that way.
Have you changed since the last update?
Probably not, but it's pretty to think so. I still feel the same mature, yet childish, insecure, young artist kind of girl as I did months ago, but something inside has changed. I feel more confident and more scared than I ever have. My vacation aka high school is almost over, and it scares me to not know what I'll be doing.
My parting words:
But the only way to fail is to not try, and I hate failing, so trying it is.
-Kayla.
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| So, I got in a few fights with my dad.
Just a few new cuts and bruises. Not from me.
School's out until January 3rd.
I told my dad he isn't man enough to kick me out. Hence why he threw my mirror, and it shattered.
Life goes on.
Good night.
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| John Lennon = love. <3333. . | | |
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